It’s only a small burn. It’ll heal soon; don’t worry.

Every once in a while I get to the point where I feel I need to check out a new game. I’ve stuck with IMVU for this long for a number of reasons, but the main ones are that I don’t venture off into new territory easily, and IMVU is better-looking than some of the others I’ve checked out.

I’m most focused on quality, really. I want to go where I’m sure I’m not going to be talking to kids. Sure, there’s the whole thing about not wanting to accidentally expose them to sex talk, and the like, but I’m also realizing that the new generation of social gamers are lying and manipulative bastards. I’m not interested in talking to a spoiled little shit who is focused on adult behavior for shock value, emo cutting, and making me think they are some kind of rockstar because they believe it makes them appear badass.

I remember being in high school. I know that being immersed in that is your whole world and you don’t know any different. You don’t realize that adults don’t really act that way, and if they do they have some serious issues they need to take up with their psychologist. Hey, I’m not looking to know your entire real life, nor do I really need to know much outside your online persona, but there comes a time where you just feel like you’re hearing the same old story. Try mixing some of your real life into your fantasy world and extend yourself. Eventually, you’ll be 40 and realize that playing people online in a lame attempt to get instant love and adoration isn’t going to work for you. This is what happens when you’ve been online since you were ten. Shame on your parents.

I knew that something was wrong with my choice in online bfs when I heard him on Skype, talking to a bunch of other (supposedly) newly 20-somethings about how he was so popular in high school for juvenile behavior and how his mom still doesn’t understand him because she nags him to get a job. I know, I know. My bad. I’ve learned; and now that the emotion is gone from the entire thing, the humiliation set in right nice, so I’ve learned my lesson.

What do they say? Dating some 20 years younger than you isn’t cool. It just means you were putting up with the same shit you were putting up with 20 years ago. I think that’s going to be my new mantra. Maybe I’ll just say I was in it for the sex. Takes the sting out of it a little.

So, since social behavior is where I have to focus hardest, I don’t like games that have a steep learning curve with too many buttons. I know that makes me sound like a moron, but I can’t focus on more than one thing at a time. I’m too aware of myself in front of people to feel good about experimenting with a wonky avatar and a million new controls.

SecondLife seems awkward and boxy. Everyone loves it, but I’m not exactly sure why. I’m awkward and boxy in real life, and I’d rather not transfer that over to my fantasy world. I’m looking into RedLight, but I’m not sure how much gay there is there. I saw lesbo stuff there, but that’s the wrong side of the spectrum. I’ll have to read some reviews and see what people say. Like I said, I’m looking for quality, and I’m hoping that by heading into the adult arena I end up finding people that can spell and who are mature enough to know how to get a credit card as opposed to finding the standard back-o’-the-porno-shop type of guy.

EDIT:

Oh. And it’s my birthday ^ ^ Yay me.

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I’m pretending not to care. I’ll be over it soon, don’t worry.

I’m about to start my second “job” after roughly about six hours of my first. Really, I think I’m going to die. Don’t people say that when they are going through withdrawal? They feel like they are going to die, but it’s only their addiction creating drama for them. I know this. Still doesn’t make it any easier to feel it.

I had one friend be a jerk to me yesterday, and because of that I’m not really speaking to him today. Ok, so I’m not talking to him, not just “not really”. Shamefully, this puts a barb in the whole ‘I’m going to die’, issue. He doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m just fucking with him when I tell him personal things about myself. He thinks I’m just trying to create drama, which…is so far from the truth. And it hurts, it actually hurts that he thinks I’m doing that because in reality I’m choosing him to tell secrets to.  Hey, my bad. Next time, I’ll choose wisely in a confidant. I’ve always made an effort to not even be accidentally untruthful to this guy. It’s important to me. Or it was. Whatever.

Thing is, it means one less person on my Yahoo friend list…this list is like the ONLY thing keeping me afloat in my addiction. It’s the only thing I have as far as interaction with people online, and one less person on here is like…lighting the rope I’m hanging from alight for half a second, charring and thinning it as I dangle above…ok maybe that was dramatic. But I’m talking addiction here. That’s how it *feels*.

And, to make it cyclic in a retarded way, the whole point of our disagreement was that I don’t know how to get along in normal society. I’m fine with that. I’ve accepted my shortcomings and moved on. Issue was, he didn’t believe me. Yeah, well right now my Yahoo fl is dwindling and I don’t know how to make friends and add to it. I’m sure it sounds like a ridiculously simple process to some of you people, but to me it’s like a different language and I can’t seem to learn it, no matter how hard I try.

And why doesn’t he believe me? Because I’m friendly and charismatic in a chatroom. Sure, but –having- friends is completely different from –making- them, or heaven forbid –maintaining- them…which is also a skill I am woefully lacking in. This is why I always have Jaye with me when making friends. Without him, I suck in a big way. Hard for me to gauge people by myself.