Eye, welcome to the Faire, me Lard.

I am plunging further into fear and escaping behind my eyes. This was supposed to be a good idea, but I’m thinking it’s not. Living in fear means not realizing my dreams…I just feel so stupid all the time. I can’t remember anything. Whether or not I come off as normal to people is a crapshoot. Gah, I hate being emo (I’m too old to be emo, really), but in order to avoid subjecting live humans or online friends to emo-ness, this is my only outlet.

I’m ~scared~. I hate looking stupid because I’m thinking too hard on how to BE that I give the other person the impression that I don’t know what I’m talking about. Not only that, I’m a slow learner and it’s hard to retain stuff. My maturity, I’ve come to realize, is 10 – 15 years younger than I really am. This is a huge self-letdown because I want to be the kind of person who is successful in their career. How much respect can someone of my age have for me if I’m in the category of new grads?

I have a computer degree…but I’m starting to think that I need to do something where I’m working with my hands. Who does that in this day and age? Yay, I could work at the Renaissance Faire? I could cut hair and touch people all day? (been there, done that). I just don’t know… Somehow I don’t think blowing glass is going to help pay off my student loans.


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